Is 'Let Them' Actually The Mindset Shift We All Need?

 

Mel Robbins has taken the world by storm this year with her book 'The Let Them Theory'. The book is a bestseller, she's on every podcast and all over TikTok, hitting every generation of us. But do we actually know how it works?

Do you ever find yourself overthinking a message from a friend, or wondering why they haven't wanted to catch up for a while? Or worrying that they're doing something you don't think is right for them? From dating someone you don't like, to scrolling too much on their phone or drinking too much coffee. You know they could do better. And you’re not alone. Many of us spend far too much time worrying about what other people are thinking and doing - or what they will think or will do if we do or say something. It's exhausting. It stops us from doing the things we really want to do. And we're all over it. 

The simple, yet life-changing phrase 'Let Them' is here help us all to let go of overthinking and set better boundaries. Here's how. 

 

 

How It All Began.

Mel says she first adopted a 'Let Them' mindset when her teenage daughter was getting ready to go to a party. Trying to be a supportive mum, Mel offered to help by offering to give her a lift or suggest various ways of how she could get there, but her daughter wanted her independence so she declined the offer of help.

Instead of feeling hurt or trying to push back to take control of the situation thinking she knew better (and would have preferred it to be sorted), Mel paused and thought: 'Let her.'

In that moment, Mel realised that the situation really wasn’t about her role as a parent. It was about stepping back and letting her daughter make her own choices, even if that meant not being involved. That one thought became the catalyst for the entire Let Them mindset, which is to give people the space to be who they are, without taking it personally or trying to control the outcome. Those two words went on to unlock a movement that is so simple, but so effective. 

 

What ‘Let Them’ Really Means.

This is where we fall down if we haven't actually listened to what the theory is about. 'Let Them' isn’t about giving up, giving in or being passive, allowing people to do what they want or walk over you. It’s about freeing yourself from the emotional burden of trying to control what other people may do, say, or think. Because let’s face it, that’s a battle we're never going to win. So instead of taking things personally and having an emotional response to something you can't control, Mel’s philosophy encourages you to take a step back. It’s not about giving up. It’s about giving space. To others, yes, but more importantly, to yourself - and your mind.

And it goes two ways. It's not just about what you think of other people's actions, but also about letting go of what other might people think of you. That's easier said than done if you're a people pleaser, but it comes down to the fact that you really don’t need to explain yourself or convince anyone of your worth. Neither should you put your life on hold or not do something you've always wanted to do for fear of judgment from others.

You just need to Let Them, and keep living your life in a way that's best for you. So...

• Let them misunderstand you.
• Let them think you're too much.
• Let them cancel plans (or be upset that you had to cancel plans!)
• Let them take days to reply.
• Let them judge what you're wearing or what you posted on Instagram.
• Let them pull out in front of you in traffic.
• Let them be upset you aren't going for Christmas this year - or didn't invite them to your wedding.
• Let them make the recipe that way - or drive a different route.
• Let them hire the other person.

Etc etc. The list goes on.

 

'Let Them' & then 'Let Me'

Mel also explains that the reason that this is not a passive, 'walk all over me' attitude, but rather a taking back control of things that we can control (like our own thoughts, actions & reactions) and that's because there is a part two to the Let Them theory. You 'Let them' do whatever they do and then you say 'let me' get on with my own life or focus on my own things. When we let go of worrying about other people (& their potential reactions), we have more headspace to focus on ourselves. In turn, we also get more clarity. You can't change people or relationships. But you can change how you feel about them. Let people be who they truly are - and then let yourself decide if you can live with that or not. Let Them can work on a large scale or on simple day to day micro-stresses. For example, your partner may not stack the dishwasher the way that you like it doing. And you get annoyed every day about it. This isn't helping you - or your stress levels. Or your relationship. But, they aren't going to change that - they've done it their way for the past 10 years. And you are highly unlikely to leave them for just that. So 'Let Them'. Then 'Let Me' either accept it - or offer to take on the role entirely! It's not worth the headspace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It’s Not Always Easy.

Many of us have spent years people pleasing, trying to help others, or worrying about what they’re thinking - or what they might think if we do something. So taking a step back can be difficult and it can feel uncomfortable. But really, all you are doing is creating boundaries - and choosing when to hold them.

And here’s the thing - other people’s behaviour is not actually about you, it’s about them. It's about their perspective, their experiences and their issues. And trying to constantly manage their feelings and behaviour? It’s exhausting.

When you learn to embrace the Let Them concept, you're not being cold or detached. You’re simply letting go of the anxiety that comes with trying to please everyone. And the more you let people be who they are, the more clearly you get to be who you are. You start trusting your own instincts more, and you begin living more authentically. Remember, you can still decide to do something to please someone else, of course, but by accepting that that is why you are doing it, you remove any annoyance you may have around it. Which is the mindset shift we're talking about here.

 

 

When ‘Let Them’ Doesn’t Apply.

But there’s a balance to be found here. Letting go doesn’t mean you should allow people to treat you badly. You absolutely should not turn a blind eye when someone is being rude or disrespectful. It's not about compromising your values, and Mel is very clear on this. Setting healthy boundaries is still essential. If someone crosses the line, you do not let them. There’s a difference between stepping back and standing down. You can adopt the Let Them mindset, and at the same time protect your peace of mind and uphold your personal standards.

 

The Ripple Effect.

Mel Robbins may have introduced the phrase 'Let Them' as a passing thought, but the ripple effect it is creating is becoming a quiet revolution. It's a shift in how we relate to others, and most importantly, how we relate to ourselves.

So the next time someone disappoints you, distances themselves from you, or makes a choice you don’t understand… Let them. And move on.

And the next time you realise you are hesitating from doing something you want to do because of other people, remember to 'Let them' have their reactions and 'Let me' do what I want to do.