Expert Backed Tips To Help You Manage Social Anxiety

Guest post from Alysa Rixon of Ouro Counselling

If you suffer from social anxiety, you’ll know that it runs so much deeper than feeling shy in social situations. 

Social anxiety can make you feel so uncomfortable, especially if you’re around people you don’t know very well, that it can feel overwhelming. You worry about being judged or saying something embarrassing and sometimes it can show up physically, with palpitations or sweaty palms. It can sometimes have such a negative impact on your life that it feels easier to avoid social gatherings altogether - sometimes even one to one catch ups with close friends.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. With time, understanding and support, it is possible to manage your feelings of social anxiety. Therapist Alysa Rixon, founder of Ouro Counselling, shares some strategies to help you get started.

Over to you Alysa…

 

 

'Social anxiety can feel like a constant battle against fear of judgment or rejection... If this resonates with you, know that you are certainly not alone and, given the right support, it can get better.'

 

Like so many others, I feel a bit more anxious in social situations these days than I used to. It has taken me some time to feel fully comfortable being back out and about in the world again.

I’m sure everyone can relate to a level of social anxiety at some point in their lives. For some this may be particularly acute or chronic, and it can have a dramatic impact on their ability to cope. Social anxiety can feel like a constant battle against fear of judgment or rejection, making everyday interactions feel daunting. If this resonates with you, know that you are certainly not alone and, given the right support, it can get better. 

Unfortunately there is no quick fix, or ‘one-size fits all’ approach to managing social anxiety, but there are some common principles from therapeutic approaches that I can share with you, together with some tips on how you can put them into practice. 

If social anxiety has impacted on your enjoyment of life, to any extent, I hope these strategies help.

 

 

1.  Recognizing That Thoughts Are Not Facts.

Instead of believing every anxious thought, learn to step back and observe it.

• Recognise anxious thoughts as ‘just thoughts’ rather than absolute truths. For example, rather than thinking, ‘They'll think I'm boring’, reframe it as ‘I'm having the thought that they'll think I'm boring.’ This creates psychological distance.
  
  Try challenging automatic thoughts like ‘Everyone is judging me’ by questioning their accuracy and replacing them with more balanced thoughts, such as, ‘People are probably focused on themselves, not on me.’

 

2.  Understanding and Soothing Your Body’s Response.

Social anxiety often comes with intense physical sensations - racing heart, shallow breathing, or a sense of freezing. Learning how to calm the body can reduce the intensity of anxiety. Practices like deep, soothing breaths, mindfulness techniques, or progressive muscle relaxation, help bring the body back to a state of balance, signalling safety to the brain.

Such practices help you stay grounded in the present moment, rather than being consumed by fear of judgment or future outcomes. They are useful to manage physical symptoms of anxiety, activating the parasympathetic nervous system. 

• Find a short mindfulness or relaxation practice that suits you and make it a set part of your routine.

• Carry something with you, or wear something, you can hold as a reminder to relax and help bring your thoughts to the present moment (grounding) e.g. a fidget toy; a special item of jewelry; a stone etc.

 

 

3. Building Confidence Through Gradual Exposure.

Avoidance is a natural response to anxiety but can reinforce fears over time. One strategy is gradually facing feared social situations in manageable steps. By starting small and building up, you can expand your comfort zone and prove to yourself that you’re capable of handling these situations.

• Test your fears through small experiments. For instance, deliberately make a minor mistake (e.g. mispronounce a word) to see if others react as harshly as you expect.

• Create a hierarchy of feared social situations, starting with the least anxiety-provoking. Gradually face these situations, building confidence over time.

 

4. Practicing Self-Acceptance and Compassion.

Shame and self-criticism often fuel social anxiety. Remind yourself that everyone experiences insecurity and mistakes - they’re part of being human.

• Instead of avoiding anxiety, practice allowing it to exist without judgement. Sit with the discomfort and observe how it ebbs and flows.

• Replace self-critical thoughts such as ‘I'm a failure’, with compassionate ones: ‘It's okay to feel nervous, everyone struggles sometimes’.

• Notice and acknowledge feelings of shame or self-criticism without judgment, and remind yourself that these feelings are part of being human.

• Imagine a compassionate, wise, and strong version of yourself offering kindness and encouragement when facing social anxiety.

• Develop self-empathy by acknowledging that your anxiety is a response to past experiences and a desire to protect yourself.

 

5. Clarifying Your Values and Goals.

Anxiety can make it easy to lose sight of what matters most to you. Focusing on your values and goals can act as a compass to guide your actions, even when anxiety is present.

• Identify values that matter to you, such as connection and kindness. Use these values to motivate actions despite anxiety, such as joining a conversation even if it's scary.

 

 

Only you can make changes in your life, but that doesn’t mean you need to do it alone.

 

Finding What Works For You.

These approaches aren’t easy and won’t be for everyone. There are also plenty of other paths you might take and there is no ‘right’ way. I would suggest going with your gut as to what works best for you, but remember that it does take repetition and practice to change your body and mind’s instinctive responses. 

If you are struggling with social anxiety, please do consider professional support. Only you can make changes in your life, but that doesn’t mean you need to do it alone. As a Person-Centred Integrative Counsellor and Therapeutic Coach, my role is to support you to explore your unique experience and gain understanding about what is holding you back - to find your own way to a sense of self-direction and self-worth. 

 

 

Meet Alysa...

Alysa is a qualified counsellor and coach, registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising under the name of Ouro. Alysa offers support to clients facing anxiety, depression, grief, relationship issues, or simply navigating life’s challenges.

Her services include working with clients who are managing addiction, experiencing stress, dealing with trauma, managing the affects of neurodiversity (whether diagnosed or undiagnosed), navigating work place issues, exploring identity or dealing with infertility. 

Get in touch with Alysa for a free telephone or on-line meeting of up to 30 minutes to discuss your expectations of counselling or coaching and find out how you can work together.